I don't know what you heard about me
But you ain't gettin a Smirnoff for free
You can sit yourself on my knee
But keep you hands off my P.I.N.T.

I don't know what you heard about me
But you ain't gettin a Smirnoff for free
You can sit yourself on my knee
But keep you hands off my P.I.N.T.

Now Sharon, she's in the pub, she's pullin a pint
And pullin the punters if she thinks the price is right (ohh...)
She's into nuts and gin
With Slimline Tonic
She plucked out her eyebrow with dribble lyin on it
I go buy her a drink and just get her some pork scratchins
But I keep her off my pint cos I think her water's catchin (euh!)
It's pub quiz night and she's bad for my health
She asked me 21 questions and they're all about herself (what?!)
She likes my hair, she likes my car - she's in the Daily Sport
I don't understand a single word
Cos she comes from York
I'm not that bloke that's only tryin to get her into bed
I'm that bloke that's only tryin cos I'm off my head
We can leave now, if you're startin to get bored
We'll take the bus home cos my Nova's not insured
Look luv it's simple, if you're sittin with me -
Sip your drink, but don't touch my P.I.N.T. (hahaha)

I don't know what you heard about me (yeah!)
But you ain't gettin a Smirnoff for free
You can sit yourself on my knee
But keep you hands off my P.I.N.T.

Bup, bup, bup, bup - burn unit

F for FTY
Pence - that's me
I work in the Burn Unit Infirmary
NHS pension 'till I'm 63
And you know that I'm representin King's Langley

F for FTY
Pence - that's me
I'm a nature loving geezer - you can find me in the tree
I'm accidentally known and locally accepted
Get off my pint!
So know you know about me

Yeah luv, got my Reebok classics on
I'm about to show you why my pint hand is quite strong
You're not wrong if you think I've got a lazy eye
It's cos I had a mishap with a steak and kidney pie (oops!)
I downed a pint the same way I down a glass of water
I swear I didn't know this bird was the Landlord's daugher
Burn U.N.I.Tzy
I bumped my head, and now I'm feeling dizzy
I've got people in Watford that know how I get down
I've got a bird in Hemel
A few mates in town
I've got a job in McDonald's, and I'm not messin around
I've got a Big Mac, McFlurry's and a quarter pound-errr (hahaha)
Just put it on my tab
Pick up a donna at Millennium Keebab (hello)
So closin time, and about the fightin
I've got a beer-proof vest to avoid the pinting (peesh) pintinging...

I don't know what you heard about me
But you ain't gettin a Smirnoff for free
You can sit yourself on my knee (yeah!)
But keep you hands off my P.I.N.T.

I don't know what you heard about me (haha)
But you ain't gettin a Smirnoff for free
You can sit yourself on my knee
But keep you hands off my P.I.N.T.

Yeah
Now in Hollywood they say there's no business like showbusiness
Well in the pub, Dave said, there's no business like the dole business
He's a baker
Ya see ifItalkreallyfastIsoundlikeapratbutifyoulistenrealfastyaknowthatIain'tgonna slow down (haha)...
Yeah