[Lefou]
Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly

[Girls]
Perfect, a pure paragon!

[Lefou]
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

[Lefou & Ensemble]
Who plays darts like Gaston
Who breaks hearts like Gaston
Who's much more than the sum of his parts like Gaston?

[Gaston]
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

[Ensemble]
My what a guy, that Gaston!

[Gaston]
I needed encouragement
Thank you, Lefou

[Lefou]
Well there's no one as easy to bolster as you!
Too much?

[Gaston]
Yeup

[Lefou & Ensemble]
No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!

[Gaston]
When I hunt I sneak up with my quiver (Ooh!)
And beasts of the field say a prayer (Ah!)
First I carefully aim for the liver (Eep!)
Then I shoot from behind

[Lefou]
Is that fair?
[Gaston]
I don't care

[Lefou & Ensemble]
No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston

[Gaston]
I'm especially good at expectorating!

[Ensemble]
Ten points for Gaston!

[Gaston]
When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!

*instrumental*

[Lefou & Ensemble]
Who has brains like Gaston?
Entertains like Gaston?

[Gaston]
Who can make up these endless refrains like Gaston?
I use antlers in all of my decorating!

[Lefou & Ensemble]
Say it again
Who's a man among men?
Who's the super success? Don't you know? Can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers on!
There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down

[Lefou]
And his name's G-A-S--T... I believe there's another T
It just occurred to me
That I'm illiterate
And I've never actually had to spell it out loud before

[Ensemble]
Gaston!