They Call Me Butthouse Man 'cause That's My Name I'm a Butt Connoisseur and I Have no Shame I Rate 'em On Size and Shape and Such But the Final Test Is the Test of Touch I'm a True Blue Pro no Average Joe I Keep My Eyes Open Everywhere I Go So If You're Talkin' 'bout Chicks and What They Got Down Below Just Ask 'ole House 'cause I'm in the Know
Chorus Butt-butt Funkin' Butt-butt Funkin'
When Butts Are Headed in My Direction I Slip Around Back For a Closer Inspection I Size Them All Up With no Sign of Detection And I Swoop On in and I Make a Selection Some Big Some Small Some Ain't Quite Round Some As Big As Me Nearly Pound For Pound Some Smooth As Silk With no Sign of Wear And Some Got Pimples and Some Got Hair
Chorus
Shout It Out, Sing About I Just Can't Live Without Wigglin' Jigglin' Butts in My Living Room Long Pants and Short Pants They're Best When in no Pants I'm in the Mood For a Stinky String Romance Fe Fi Fo Fum Tell Me Where Do You Come From? There's Nothing So Fine and Nothing So Fair As a Hot Sticky Thing With a Tight Derriere
Let Me Tell You 'bout My Trip to the South of France The Women Down There They Never Wear Pants By Hook By Crook Or Happenstance I'll Be Headed Back Just Give Me Half a Chance When I'm Lying On the Beach I Couldn't Help But Stare At All the Merchandise the Girls Had Laid Bare Lying On My Front So no One Could See Those Bare Bottom Bitches Put a Boner On Me