Performed by Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider

[Sound of crickets. Guy walks across grass]
Joe: "Hey pal! How ya doin?"
M2: "I'm so wasted, man."
Joe: "Yeah, you are, oh ho ho!"
M2: "Thanks man."
Joe: "It's good party, huh?"
M2: "Oh, it's great man."
Joe: "Hey that's some good acid, huh?"
M2: "Oh, killer man."
Joe: "Hey, my pleasure."
M2: "I've never been higher."
Joe: "Oh ho, you must be freaking out."
M2: "Acid's great man."
Joe: "It's the best."
M2: "Everytime I do acid man, I'm so high."
Joe: "Yeah, oh, you must be flipping out right now."
M2: "This is the best acid, man."
Joe: "What are you seein, man?"
M2: "Oh, I, that cloud up there, man."
Joe: "Whoa"
M2: "It's got a vein in it."
Joe: "Oh-Holy Cow! Really!?"
M2: "And it's bleeding on me, man."
Joe: "It's bleeding on ya? Well watch out!"
M2: "Look at my hand, man."
Joe: "Yeah?"
M2: "It-It's moving, but it's not moving."
Joe: "It's not?"
M2: "It's still there, but it looks like it's moving."
Joe: "Hey, yeah to you it is."
M2: "I'm so high."
Joe: "Yeah, you must be flipping out."
M2: "I'm flipping out off it."
Joe: "Hallucinations, man."
M2: "Acid..right."
Joe: "Hey, I got some news fer ya."
M2: "I'm seeing stuff, man."
Joe: "Yeah, yer seeing stuff."
M2: "RIght."
Joe: "Well, that's what happens when you take acid, but you know what?"
M2: "What man?"
Joe: "Uhhh, that really wasn't acid. That was just a little piece of paper I ripped off of my notebook."
[Silence]

M2: "Wha? It's probly this weed I'm smokin', man."
Joe: "Oh, that weed."
M2: "That Thai bud, man."
Joe: "Whoa."
M2: [Laughing] "Everything's hilarious."
Joe: [Laughing] "That's funny man. Look at that guy."
M2: [Laughing] "That's funny man."
Joe: [Laughing] "Look at that guy's hat man."
M2: [Laughing] "Everything's funny to me, man."
Joe: "Right. Hey, how man bones didya smoke? A few joints, man?"
M2: "I had about four."
Joe: "Whoa, that's a lot of bones to be smokin', man."
M2: "The whole thing's man."
Joe: "Yeah, you sucked 'em down yerself."
M2: "Ain't that hilarious!?"
Joe: "You didn't wanna share, didja?"
M2: "It was great stuff, man."
Joe: "Aww, yeah, hey I got some news on that stuff too."
M2: "Hey what man?"
Joe: "That's the stuff I sold you, right?
M2: "Yeah, right."
Joe: "Yeah"
M2: "It's funny, man."
Joe: "Well, well, uh.."
M2: "I'm wasted off it, man."
Joe: "Yeah, well that's good. You smoked it, right?"
M2: "Right."
Joe: "Well that really wans't weed."
[Pause]
Joe: "No it wasn't, it was pencil shavings in a bag."
[Silence]

Joe: "Yeah."
M2: "Well, it's probably this beer. This beer I'm drinking, man. I must be drunk off it or something. Ya know, I had about eighteen of them, man."
Joe: "Whoa, oh really!?"
M2: "I'm just..wasted off 'em."
Joe: "That's a lot of beer for a man to drink."
M2: "Man, I gotta pea pretty soon, man."
Joe: "You didn't dump 'em out in the woods, didja?"
M2: "No..no..no.. I drank all of them."
Joe: "Right, yeah. I saw you..that's good. Hey didja eat today?"
M2: "No, I'm on an empty stomach."
Joe: "Whoa, you must be ..yea.. extra buzz for you."
M2: "..And that's why I'm so wasted off it man, it's like I'm seeing things, man."
Joe: "Yeah, you can hardly stand, man."
M2: "You should take my car keys, cuz I can't drive, man."
Joe: "Right, right."
M2: "I can barely walk."
Joe: "Hey man, you better open those eyes up, they're half shut."
M2: "There's two of you, man. I can't see anymore, man, I'm blind!"
Joe: "Right.. I got the beers, huh? I'm the man, right?"
M2: "Yeah, you are the man."
Joe: "Say it. Say I'm the man."
M2: "Yer da man!!"
Joe: "Okay, well that beer.."
M2: "Yeah?"
Joe: "There was no alcohol in that beer."
[Pause]
Joe: "That was non-alcoholic. So..uhh..again, I'm gonna have to bust you on this one. You're lying."
[Silence]

M2: [Mumbling] "I'll be right back."
Joe: "Ok, buddy, you go sober up."
[Walking different directions, gun goes off]
Joe: "Oh my God! He killed himself! He killed himself!"
[Runs over]
Joe: "Oh my God! You killed yerself, buddy."
M2: "Yeah, I'm dead, man."
Joe: "Oh my, oh yer dead."
M2: "Yeah, I'm dead, man."
Joe: "That is awefull."
M2: "There's a big white light and everything, man."
Joe: "Yeah! Well you showed us all, man."
M2: "Oh man, I'm so peaceful here man."
Joe: "Yeah, you see anything weird, or.."
M2: "My relatives, man, a big white light, and my grandfather's there and.."
Joe: "Ooooh, I remember him, he's a good guy."
M2: "He's still wearing the same clothes, and.."
Joe: "Hey, say hello fer me, huh?"
M2: "Hey man, Joe says hi, man."
Joe: [Chuckling] "Right."
M2: "It's yeah..My uncle's here and..."
Joe: "Right..right.. Hey I got some news for ya. This is so funny."
M2: "Yeah? What, man?"
Joe: "Yeah, yeah, before you go, up to heaven. The gun, you killed yerself with, that's the one I sold you, right?"
M2: "Yeah."
Joe: "Yeah, well that was a cap gun. So, there's no way you could have killed yourself."
[Pause]
Joe: "Yeah, that's right, ok.. I'm going back to the party. Ok, take care."
[Walks back]

M2: [Whimpering and crying] "I'm moving to a different town man."

- "Four weeks later."

[Pouring drink]
M2: "Oh this beer is great, man. This tequila is really strong, man. It's got a worm, and everything in it, man."
Buffoon: "Fuckin' shit!"
M2: "All being in the sun, you're even more wasted. Fuckin' shit is right, man! I am totally wasted now, man. I should maybe get an umbrella or something and go in the shade."
Buffoon: "I know a guy who can suck his own dick."