Born in nineteen thirty-five in Brooklyn, NY
Son of Anna and Phil
At nineteen years old he married my mother Judy
And immediately paid his first Bloomingdale's bill

Right away they started on a family
Three smart kids popped out of mom's tummy
But then one steamy* night dad forgot to wear his raincoat
Nine months later out came the dummy

He was 6'2, 200 and 250 lbs.
And as sweet as he was strong
He was also known to be pretty well endowed
But believe me he didn't pass that one along

Yeah, 'Stan the Man' was my hero
With a golf swing that made me cry
He'd take their money and put it in his top dresser drawer
Then I'd steal it so I could get high...
But he... beat that habit... out of me

So dad,
Thanks for letting me stay up late to watch Johny Carson
Thanks for coaching all our games in Livingston Park
Thanks for telling me to always punch a kid in the face
If he made an anti-Semitic remark

So say 'hi' to both my grandmas and grandpas
Tell my dog, Meatball, I miss him so
But most important, take advantage of being in heaven
Go bang Marylin Monroe
Mom said it's cool... just wear a raincoat

Oh, 'Stan the Man' was my hero
Still is and always will be
'Cause he didn't give too much crap about nothin'
Except loving his family

Well 'Stan the Man' is gone
But will always live on