Performed by Adam Sandler, Frank, and Randi

Transcribed by a fan

"And now a cow at bat in the bottom of the 6th inning of a little league game getting hit by a pitch"

[Baseball sounds and cow bell ringing,ball is hit and hits cow]
Cow: Moo

"And now a cow who goes skydiving for the very first time, and thinks his parachute isn't gonna open when it finnally does 40 feet from the ground"

[Plane sounds]
M1: Alright cow, don't even think about just jump and enjoy the ride down, quit being a pansy and do it
Cow: Moo
[Ripcord sounds]
Cow: Moo,mrr
[Parachute opens]
Cow: Moow
[Thud]

"And now a cow who goes to the chicken hot drivethru and then gets halfway home before realising they forgot his french fries"

[Cow opening paper bag]
Cow: Moo,moo
[Car screeches, and turns back around]
Cow: Mrr

"And now a cow winning first prise in the bellyflop contest at spring break and then realises he can't swim"

[Cow walking towards pool, big splash]
Cow: Moo
[Crowd cheering]
Cow: Mrr,mrr
[Underwater moo]

"And now a club gets a dance at a classy strip club, when a bouncer notices he doesn't have any shoes on"

F1: Ohh baby you like it when I dance with you
Cow: Moo
F1: Uh uh uh, you can't touch that
Cow: Moo
Bouncer: Keep your hands off the girl
Cow: Moo
Bouncer: Hey cow, you got no shoes on you gotta leave
Cow: Moo
M2: Hey watch it cow

"And now a cow playing tennis against farmer Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle when the farmer makes an obvious bad call"

[Tennis ball being hit]
Farmer: That was out
Cow: Moo
Farmer: Don't tell me it wasn't cause I saw it and that was out
Cow: Moo
Farmer: By at least 3 feet that's how far, come in look there is still a mark where it's out
Cow: Moo
Farmer: Don't tell that was from an old ball, that was this ball and this ball was out
Cow: Mrr
Farmer: You cannot see from that angle
Cow: Moo

"And now a cow recieves a phone call who he thinks is from a famous actor but he soon finds out it's just a practical joke"

[Phone rings, cow picks it up]
Farmer: Hello may I speak to the cow
Cow: Moo
Farmer: Hi, I'm a famous actor
Cow: Moo
Farmer: Oh, thank you very much, I was wondering if you would like to go to dinner with me
Cow: Moo
Farmer: Why don't I make reservations?
Cow: Moo
Farmer: And why don't I tell you my real name? farmer Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle
Cow: Mrr
Farmer: Take that fatty
Cow: Mrr
[Slams down phone]

"And now a cow gets his revenge on farmer Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle"

[Car sounds]
Farmer: Pull over, pull the vehicle to the side of the road, I am warning you for the last time.
[Car hits farmer]
Farmer: Oooh