Performed by Adam Sandler and Conan O' Brien :


"And now a buffoon's meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college."

Dean: "Well Michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations on your upcoming graduation and I understand you are interested in matriculating here in the fall."

Buffoon: "I got a snake, man!"

Dean: "Yes, pets are welcome here on campus. Be it the traditional dog, or cat, or even the occasional reptile."

Buffoon: "One time I fed it some beer man! It was slithering this way and that! It was all fucked up!"

Dean: "I'm sure it was. Well we discourage inappropriate drinking among both students and pets here on campus."

Buffoon: "Fuckin' Shit!"

Dean: "Yes, that's a not uncommon reaction to this policy. So tell me a little bit more about your background."

Buffoon: "My father's a fucking asshole, man!"

Dean: "Hmm, I see. Your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age son."

Buffoon: "My mother's a piece of shit too!"

Dean: "Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility over the summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed and ready to learn."

Buffoon: "My teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man! She had her head way up her ass!"

Dean: "Well the quality of the faculty at a University such as ours far exceeds that of a local public high school."

Buffoon: "Your secretary's a real fat bitch, man!"

Dean: "Yes, she's tried many diets over the years with minimal success."

Buffoon: "I had diarhea last month. I had to shit all fucking day!"

Dean: "Uh huh, Well we all get the occasional stomach bug, never a pleasurable experience. So have you given any thought to your choice of major?"

Buffoon: "I've got a big fucking boner right now."

Dean: "I see. Well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods of nervous tension. I do not take offense."

Buffoon: "One time I ate my neighbors shit!"

Dean: "That's understandable. Well, I enjoyed meeting you. We'll be sending you our decision by the end of the month."

Buffoon: "I bet you got really hairy balls."