Now, here's the story of the incredible shrinking man
Of a fatal disappointment met with a frozen margarita grin
Now see him blink in time to the hour hand
Funny red nose, Rudolph jokes, memory failing

If you buy lottery tickets you'll win one day
A pile of dead scratchers
with the gold and silver scratched away

He faces the manageress, he feels her bright disdain
Watches as she yawns all the way through his final scene
She makes it clear, "my dear"
in no way does she wish him ill
She says, "there's no justice. No, there's just this bill"

If you buy lottery tickets you'll win one day
A pile of dead scratchers
with the gold and silver scratched away
And your horseshoe wreath, it'll surely bloom
If you wait in the hotel bar all afternoon
If you wait in the hotel bar all afternoon

Ten years at the Columbia Hotel
For that you should win a fabulous prize
Like a lifetime room for a life that slipped away
A place to hide the asphalt and tarmac in his eyes

If you buy lottery tickets you'll win one day
A pile of dead scratchers
with the gold and silver scratched away
And your horseshoe wreath, it'll surely bloom
If you wait in the hotel bar all afternoon
If you wait in the hotel bar all afternoon
You'll see Ed McMahon
and his gorgeous models emerge from the Columbia gloom
With many thanks for the life you led and the joy you made
He'll give you a wad of paper
and, yes, all your favorite balloons
And make an overly long speech
about how you never let the bastards kill your soul
And if you render the sun to dawn
you pound of the walls of doom
And everyday fight the vacuum
in a world without heroes and supermen
To shine like stars and cast no shadows across the room
And end up owning only a haystack, a needle and a spoon
They say we pardon to the degree that we love
But for most of us love is only a part in a cartoon
I know we pay for what we are, but let me please observe
You're a king. I know, I saw it written on your tomb
You're a king. I know, I saw it written on your tomb