Vicar : We gather in the sight of God
To join together Matt and Viv
In wedlock so that they may be -
Chorus : Pissed off and bored and
At each other's throats
Vicar : As long as they both shall live
Chorus : This is a special day
A day of song and celebration
Bridesmaids : What every uncle dreams of having
It's her special day
Chorus : This is a dream come true
Young Viv : Please someone, wake me up and save me
Chorus : Beautiful flowers ev'rywhere
Young Viv : Like flowers for my grave
Vicar : Exchange the rings and take thy vows
To love, to honour and obey
Photographer : Her father looks quite overcome
Church Choir : Been on the beer he's absolutely sloshed
Chorus : On oh, such a special day
George : This is a special day
I hope tha'll not live to regret it
Tha' can still pull out now
It's not too late to pull out yet
Don't leave thy father dear
You're far too young to be a wife lass
Young Viv : Somebody stop me, I'm about
To throw away my life
Vicar : Speak up now lass and say thy part
Remember, God looks down on you
Don't make your husband wait all day
I've got another wedding here at two
Repeat after me, "I do"
Chorus : I do
Young Viv : Make a promise that you'll never have my heart
Chorus : I do
Young Viv : Swear to God that I'll pretend and play the part
Chorus : I do
Young Viv : Undertake to search for happiness one day
Chorus : I do
Young Viv : Still believe that better times aren't far away
Chorus : I do
Young Viv : Keep the hope that out there somewhere love is true
Chorus : I do
Young Viv : Want somebody, though it never will be you

Viv : This is a special day
You bid farewell to fun and freedom
Ta'ra to fantasy,
Goodbye the girl you used to be
Fall down upon your knees,
Wait hand and foot upon your husband
Cook, clean and stay at home
Like ev'ry good wife does
Young Viv : There must be more to life than this
This bloody awful marital bliss