Viv : Only two quid
Left to us name
Week in, week out,
Always the same
Begging for crumbs
So it goes on
Even the mice
Packed up and gone

Young Viv : Does tha' know...
Keith : What is it, love?
Young Viv : What I think we should
Do with this
Keith : What have I missed?
Young Viv : Last two quid
Keith : Eh?
Young Viv : Let's blow it in
Keith : What does tha' mean?
Young Viv : Blow it all at the
Pub tonight
Keith : Go and get pissed?
Young Viv : And to hell with
All of 'em
Keith : That's the idea!
Young Viv : Get me dad round to
Watch the kids
Keith : That's me lass!
Young Viv : Life just isn't worth living if
You're forever afraid of it
Keith : It's no way to live
Viv, put wireless on - it's time for the pools
Chorus : Arsenal, one - Birmingham City, one
Keith : A draw!
Hey, love, I got a draw!
Viv : Oh aye?
That's nice
Chorus : Chelsea, one - Blackburn Rovers, one
Keith : Two!
Chorus : Wolverhampton Wanderers, one - Cardiff City, one
Keith : That's three!
Hey, cock, I've got two more now!
Young Viv : Does tha' know
What I think we should
Do with this
Last two quid?
Le's blow it in
Blow it all
At the pub
Chorus : Swansea Town, three - Middlesbrough, three
Keith : That's four
That's four and that's for sure
No all I need is four more
Young Viv : Tha's asking for a miracle
Chorus : Halifax, one - Port Vale, one
Viv : Roll back the years,
My dears
Don't stray so far
Stay the way you are
Chorus : Darlington, three - Bradford City, three
Keith : Six
Chorus : Oldham Athletic, nil - Stockport County 0
Keith : Well, that's it!
That's it! That's seven now
That's seven! Where's me trousers?
Young Viv : Well, at a guess, yer wearing 'em
Keith : I kept a copy of the coupon
In me other pair of trousers
Now they've gone and disappeared
Me pitch is well and truly queered
If you had sent the soddin' coupon
Oh for God's sake, where's the copy?
Have a look beneath the bed
I'm going out me flippin' head
The cowin' coupon's in a cupboard
Or it's stuck behind the sofa
Well it's gotta be somewhere
It didn't melt into thin air
Maybe I'm mad and I imagined
That I posted it, but didn't
Just like me to go and cock it up
Oh look! It's in me pocket...