(Rab Noakes)

The stage director he stood up and he called the actors down
And he asked them all to say three words, 'up down and around'
'Up down and around' they cried with one according voice
And up down and around they went, for it was their only choice

CHORUS :

I can only turn again, to the front again
Only to turn again, to the rear
Turn again, turn again, turn, turn, turn, again
I can listen, but I can't hear

The cat burglar was well disguised with a beard and cloak of red
And he had old plimsoles on his feet, and his hands above his head
He pleaded that he only robbed to give unto the poor
No heed was paid unto his words as they double-locked the door

CHORUS

The strings were cut from the guitar puppet singer on the stage
And his music became furious and he stamped his feet in rage
The girls all screamed in agony, and the boys they gaped in fear
And the song was called 'Have Mercy Baby', have mercy on my ears

CHORUS

My friend's girl has a wireless aerial sticking out of her head
And a pile of true romances lying underneath the bed
She's got a giant poster of Steve McQueen just beside her door
And I know she'd get along fine without him if he doesn't see her any more

I remember how the man stood on his little wooden stand
As he spoke very quietly with a waving of his hand
Every pigeon to its own hole was what he seemed to say
And that no one should go looking for a better place to stay

CHORUS x 2