This next song is from a record breaking show
And it really set a record
It lasted nine previews and one performance
This is true, so I feel it's an important show
And the name of it was 'Another evening with Harry Stoons'

Oh, you remembered
Hmm, well, anyway, here's the main song from it

Call me a boob
Call me a schlemiel
Call me a brain
With a missing wheel

Call me what you will
But nonetheless, I'm still in love with Harold Mingert
And it's not because he has a car
Arnie Fleischer has a car, but a car is just a car
And if Harold didn't have a car to his name
I guess I'd love him just the same

Call me what you will
But nonetheless, I'm still in love with Harold Mingert
And it's not because he has a wealthy family
Arnie Fleischer has a wealthy family but money isn't everything
And if Harold didn't have a dime to his name
I know I'd love him just the same

But sometimes, I ask myself
Why then, do I then love Harold Mingert
Harold isn't handsome or clever or smart
And I don't find romance and a dance in his heart
The only answers I can think of
Are Harold Mingert's money and Harold Mingert's car

Call me what you will
But nonetheless, I'm still in love with Herscher Mingert
Also Arnie Fleischer