Mom came home from the store last night
With groceries in her left arm and groceries in her right.
She asked me why I'd left the door unlocked
And why I was walking 'round in my socks,
Why the dog was sleeping on my nice clean bed,
Why I hadn't done a single thing she'd said,
Why the ice cream had melted on the kitchen stove,
Why I didn't let the dog out when he had to go,
Why my friends were over for cookies and milk,
Why the cookies were gone and the milk was spilt,
Why the goldfish were missing and the cat looked fed,
And who was doing jumping jacks in her bed?
Then with groceries in hand, she went through the door,
Didn't see my roller skates lying on the floor,
She started to fall, her face turned green
And me, I said, "but I'm just thirteen."

There was grape juice on the ceiling and splattered on the floor
Were the peanuts and the pickles and all across the door
Were the mustard and the mayonnaise and watermelon, too,
The jelly and the jiffy pop, all sorts of gook and goo;
Like cookies on the cabinets and raisins on the rug,
And melted 'cross the tablecloth, a box of chocolate fudge,
Molasses on the light switch, syrup on the sink,
Honey on the hot dogs, something sure did stink.
Then doggie grabbed the hamburger and kitty grabbed the steak,
And running out the open door, they ate and ate and ate.
Mom, she started yelling, you should have heard her scream,
And me, I said, "But I'm just thirteen."

Mom made me clean up all the mess I said I didn't do
But I cleaned it all anyway, just like she told me to
I piled garbage five feet high, can't say I didn't try
in garbage cans and boxes and bags up to the sky
When Dad came home from work, he was tired as can be
I guess he was so tired, 'Cause Daddy didn't see
The garbage I had piled and the work that was so hard;
'Cause when he hit 'em, they just splattered all across the yard
Dad of course exploded like a pot that popped it's lid
He yelled at me and said, "Now, look what you just did."
There was garbage in the driveway, garbage on the ground
Garbage on my Daddy, garbage all around,
Garbage on the window, garbage on the screen
And me I said, "But I'm Just thirteen."