And I come home late at night and try to tiptoe in her room
And she says my my
And I stumble over the rocking chair and my poor head hits the floor goodnight
It smarts
And there she's standing over me and gives me such a look
And I try to hide my bloodshot eyes I know my goose is cooked

And I say honey I can explain this
I've been eatin' little green apples
And I think maybe a little nap will do me good
She said all the noise you're making Ben
Is goin' to wake up everybody in the neighborhood
But I've been eatin' the little green apples
And to lay my poor head in your lap will make me fine
And now myself is feeling low I look into her eyes aglow and so am I

Hey honey I learned a new dance tonight
It's called Green Apple Quick-step
It's a real goer

(Now Ben don't come home a drinking with dancing on your mind)
It's on my mind son of a gun
(What do you mean coming home half drunk)
Well I tell ya I ran outta money that's what
(Okay now come on Ben it's time for you to go to bed)
Well might as well I'm goin' in trouble when I get home anyway
You know I'm just kiddin' don't you honey I'm just kiddin'
All I've been doing is oh honey I'll tell you

I've been eatin' little green apples I think maybe a little nap will do me good
So put a cold towel on my head and go to put old Big Ben to bed I wish you would
I've been eatin' the little green apples
And to lay my poor head in your lap will make me fine
And now myself is feeling low I look into her eyes aglow and so am I