My name is Digger Colder I'm a mortician
Let me get a little more of this embalming fluid
And we'll get the procession under way

Well I undertook to be an undertaker
And she undertook to be this undertaker's wife
But a nonundertaker over took her
And they undermine this undertaker's life

Oh I dare not to send her lilies
Or to say I dig you the most
She never liked our long black Cadillac
Or me in a long black coat

Then I undertook to bury all my troubles
I undertook to throw myself into my work
But that was such a grave undertaking
And I never did learn to like the taste of dirt

Oh I never could convience her
My cold hands just meant a warm heart
She didn't dig all them cadivers what's a cadaver
You might say till death did us part

Now I've undertaken the thought that consoles me
Her best laid plans are bound to run aground
Cause everybody's gotta come here some day
Then I'm really gonna put that woman down

Oh they won't say that she looks natural
Cause she frowned down upon this place
And the last time I'm ever gonna see her
I'll put a big smile all over her silly face

Cause you know when she went shovellin' off
Then I realized that I'd dug her the most
Although she threw dirt in my face
That's a pretty grave situation you know
I think that's what started my coughin'
Then I went on ahead and I bought her a stone a tombstone of course
Then I called my mother on the phone and I said to her
I said mommmmmmie