Your Uncle Walter's going on and on
'bout everything he's seen and done
the voice of fifty years experience
he's drunk watching the television
you know he's been around the world
last night he flew to Baghdad
in his magical armchair
with cigarettes and a six pack
yeah, he just got back
the spit's flying everywhere
hey hey hey hey

CHORUS 1
your Uncle Walter's going on and on
(oh you're back so late)
where did you go that you were gone so long?
and how could you leave me here
so long with Uncle Walter?

Your Uncle Walter saw
who fired the shots
he drove his chair in the cavalcade
He's flown from South Africa to
countries where they beat themselves
on the backs with chains
there was a fleet of battleships
and one reclining chair
headed north on the Arabian Sea
Now he's back to tell us what
he and his oldest boy Blair
they're getting rich with
a mail order scheme oh oh

CHORUS 2
your Uncle Walter's going on and on
(we're so glad you're home)
where did you go that you were gone so long?
and how could you leave me here
so long with Uncle Walter?

Your Uncle Walter told me
everything he'd do if he was president
Now what a perfect world
this world would be
if he was president now
but he's not!

And he sees the children smoking pot
he knows that in a moment they'll be
shooting up heroin
teardrops in his armchair
a fifty minute lecture
tobacco juice rolling down his chin

CHORUS 1