There's a beer coma in the living room
It's been weeks since Pop could move
Momma passed out in the car
On her way to the liquor barn
With religion on the radio and talk shows on the tube
This surreal slice of apple pie tastes so born to lose

My brother's playing in the road
We don't expect he'll get too old
And Sis is surfing couch to couch
Since Friendly Finance threw her out
With religion on the radio and talk shows on the tube
This surreal slice of apple pie tastes so born to lose

But I got a little dough and I got a little luck
It's time for me to hit the road; it looks like you're all stuck
They're out there just talking trash
with some squirrel humpin' itch
I got myself a little scratch and I got my trailer hitched

I'm straight outta Dodge so say goodbye
This place feels like doing time
Today's the day - I gotta go
My girlfriend's dad found the video
With Fallwell on the radio and Springer on the tube
This surreal slice of apple pie tastes so born to lose

But I got a little dough and I got a little luck
It's time for me to hit the road; it looks like you're all stuck
They're out there just talking trash
with some squirrel humpin' itch
I got myself a little scratch and I got my trailer hitched