I was settin' in Friday's suckin' on a glass of wine
When in walked this chick who almost struck me blind
Had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine
On a scale of one to ten I'd give her a nine

Now on my scale there ain't no tens you know
Nine is bout as far as any chick can go
So I flashed her a smile but she didn't even look at me
So for brains and good judgement I'd give her a three

I said hey sweet thing you look like a possible eight
You and me could make eighteen if your head's on straight
She looked up and down my perfect frame
Then said these word that burned into my perfect brain

She said well another one of those macho-matician men
Who grade all women on scales of one to ten
And you give me an eight well that's a generous thing to do
Now let's just see just how much I give you

She said you comin' on to me with that corny numbers jive
Your style makes me smile I give it a five
When you walked up I noticed that suit of yours
It's a last-year's double-knit frayed-cuff I give it a four

That must be your car parked out on the curb
That's '69 homemade convertible a three and a third
Now as for that build I guess you're less than a five
Cept for your potbelly I give that a ten for size

That wine you're pourin' might be fine to you
But I'm used to fine champagne I give it a two
It's hard to tell what your flashin' smile is worth
I give it a six you could use some dental work

But it's your struttin' rooster act that really makes me laugh
It may be a ten to these country hens but to me a three and a half
And there really ain't too much to add once the subtractin's done
But since there ain't no zeroes I give you a one

Then she walked out while up and down the line
The whole bar was laughin' said Bare what happened to your nine
Nine says I hell soon as she started to talk I knew
This bitch didn't have no class I barely give her a two

Yeah no matter how good they look at first there's flaws in all of them
That's why on a scale of ten to one friend there ain't no tens