I had one pint of beer, and one shot of scotch,
I had one bottle of wine, and bourbon on the rocks
I had one lassie on me right, another on the left,
I looked that puppet in the eye and said give me the test

A long time ago, in a pub far away,
I sat on a barstool, just drinking away,
I couldn't hold it down, I guess I had too much
I felt a tremor in the force and then I lost my lunch
I woke up in a desert land, feeling hot and sick,
I saw a bearded man, he looked like some kind of hick,
He slowly waved his hand, and my pain was gone
He said let's go see Yoda, and I'll teach you this song.

So we got on a starship, and flew off into space
He said his name was Obi-Wan and there is no time to waste,
I have to get you trained before it is too late,
He said drink this bottle of whisky, and don't give in to hate.
My training went on, and I'd drank most of the bar
We stopped for supplies on the nearest Death Star
I learned to control my fear, and hold my alcohol
Soon I was able to stand even when Obi-Wan would fall.

[Star Wars theme song]

I sat down beside him and looked him in the eye
He broke the silence, said you judge me by my size
Obi-Wan said careful, for Yoda is the best
I said ok shorty, bring on the test
Well I could tell you how it ended, I could tell you some lies Let's just say, on that night the force was on his side
I got all riled up, and they threw me in jail
I said I don't believe it, Yoda said that's why I failed