Parody of "Where the Green Grass Grows" by Tim McGraw (Jess Leary/Craig Wiseman), Song Matters Inc. (ASCAP)/Leary's Tavern Music (ASCAP)/Daddy Rabbit Music (ASCAP)/Famous Music Corp(ASCAP)/Almo Music Corp. (ASCAP)
New lyrics & music by Cledus T. Judd/Chris Clark, Cledus Crap Anthems (SESAC)/Of Music (SESAC)

(Coughs)
Ahhhh…uh
Oh (coughs)
AHHHCHOOOOOO

Ah my head feels as big as a dad blang basketball
It's a shame I'm a sight
Red eyes itchy both day and night
My head's all stuffed up tight again

Oh no spring's back
Another dang allergy attack
I bought some Sudafed
And took the whole dern pack
And I still can't breathe and I cough and I hack

I want to live where the grass don't grow
I'm sick and tired of blowin my nose
Never again will you hear me go ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOO
So much congestion in my chest
Doctor's said that it might be best
For me to move where the pollen count is low
Where the grass don't grow

I wonder if Tim McGraw's got any of that snifflin night time
Sneezin achin stuffy head coughin
Wake up on the top of your tour bus medicine for me
(coughs)

I sold my leaf blower
My two horsepower push mower
Won't see me outdoors this time of year
(coughs)
This ragweed is a getting rough
My hay fever is getting tough
I'm all out of Vicks Vapo Rub
And there's dust everywhere
And enough is enough

I want to live where the grass don't grow
A big high rise or a small condo
If I never blow again it'll be too soon
Won't ever touch another garden tool
I'll sip Margueritas by the swimming pool
There will be one less seed I'll have to sew
Where the grass don't grow

(Coughs and sneezes)
:Oh my head
Here we go

I want to live where the grass don't grow
It's killing me here where the mulch blowers blow
I've tried everything I know to do
Can't keep the sneezin cough suppressed
Try to give my sinuses a rest
I'm going to go where the pollen count is low
Where the grass don't grow

(Sneezes and coughs till end)