There ain't nothing more depressing then a pine tree, gussied up with candie canes and balls
Those carolers kept me up for hours
It's merry christmas seeping through my walls
No I'm not wicking calmy nut or nothing
But there is one damn holiday that I can't stand
It ain't halloween or thanksgiving or even april fools
But it will sure make a fool outta every man

Ha!

If I ain't drunk then it ain't christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain't hammerd it ain't hanukkah
Then all you motherfuckers go to hell
If I ain't cocked then it ain't kwanzaa
Joy to the world and jack and coke
If I ain't drunk then it ain't christmas
If I ain't anything but broke

Now every year the malls are just a madhouse
Full of empty pocket stops and smiles
Just the smell of eggnog makes me vomit
And those colored lights are fucking infintiel
I think we, collectivley as people
Should rise against this coorperate jolly noise
And tell the world, let's buy some peace and quite for a change
Before we spend it all on fucking toys

Ha!

If I ain't drunk then it aint christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I aint hammerd it aint hanukkah
Fa lalalala go fuck yourself!
If I ain't cocked then it ain't kwanzaa
Joy to the world and gettin' stoned
If I ain't drunk then it ain't christmas
So leave these god damn screws the fuck alone!

Ha!

Merry fucking christmas!
Hi simon!