I say baby, it ain't gonna suck itself
Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself
I say baby, it ain't gonna suck itself
What 'chew waiting for? it ain't gonna suck itself

Well I flew out from Virginie on the very first day
I heard my record company exercise my pay to play
Went to see Mr. Lott but his assistant said no
"Security will escort you to the parking lot"

It was 102 degrees I was feeling kind of hot
So I walked across the street for one of those Mexican frozen popsicles
Couldn't buy just one so I bought myself a box
When I come back the assistant she's standing in the parking lot

No hard feelings do you want one of these?
But she looks at me like I was speaking Chinese
The security man walks up he helps himself to one
Coincidently Chinese and hot from standing in the sun

Then he helps himself to another he puts it in her hand
But she looks at it like it was a piece of crap
Or a dead and dying bird she didn't understand
So I was just trying to be helpful when I said...

Baby, it ain't gonna suck itself
Oh Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself
I beg to differ cousin, it should be, it ain't gonna lick itself
Ok we'll try it that way It ain't gonna lick itself

Well I'm standing in the parking lot waiting on my ride
His name is Jackson Haring and he's still inside
He went in through mailroom for some record company swag
But this Virgin Records there ain't shit to be had

And the halls they was empty because everyone was laid off
And he took a wrong turn ends up in the tape vault
Only one thing to do when you’re standing face to face
With the Sticky Fingers, Let It Be master tapes

You've got to stick them in the satchel and head on the down the hall
Saying these will go nicely with that Residents eyeball
Many years ago while working for Bill Graham Presents
A prop eyeball was stolen backstage from The Residents

And the rumor went around that Jackson was the thief
But that's neither here nor there and I was sitting in the jeep
Looking at the Sticky Fingers master tapes
My popsicle’s dripping on the seat so I throw it out the window
And it lands at the feet of Roy Lott

Hey Roy, it ain't gonna suck itself
Ah Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself
And one time for the ladies, It ain't gonna lick itself
Ah Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself

Baby, it ain't gonna suck itself
Everyone at Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself
One for the ladies, it ain't gonna lick itself
What 'chew waitin' for, it ain't gonna suck itself

Mr. Lott, it ain't gonna suck itself
Everyone on Foothill Road, it ain't gonna suck itself
Just so we're not totally sexist, it ain't gonna lick itself
Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself