I gave you a flower
He gave you a whole bunch
He cut you a diamond
I cut you your lunch

I read you a pamphlet
He wrote her a whole book
He paid them both to the movies
I stole you a look

I cannot win
Since the day we watched them move in

Another sick joke
At my expense
But you can't live your life
With one eye over the fence

So I wrote you this song
She got an operatic medley
He bought her a car
I doubled you on my treadly

I can't compete
Since they moved to our street

I candidly took your photo
But it came out a blur
In their hall hangs a portrait
He had commissioned for her

And on Valentine's Day
What was I to do
She got a ninety verse sonnet
I struggled with a haiku

Makes me see red
But I still couldn't wish them both dead

I'm gonna fail
What if I fail
He's gonna fail
He could possibly fail
He could possibly fail
He's gonna fail