I hope that the last the page of your 800 page novel is missing.
And I hope that it rains if you leave the window down on your red mustang.

'Cause everyday ought to be a bad day for you.

And if you drop your keys I hope there's a sewer somewhere very nearby.
I hope that your team lost; I hope your new girl takes off with a new guy.

(old version: and if you're out of clean sheets I hope your new girl takes off and it's clear why)

'Cause everyday ought to be a bad day for you.

And I would like to be your girlfriend so I could dump you.
And I would like to be your garbage man so I would never have to pick up your trash again.

Maybe you should wonder why your apartment is always so empty.
Well I hope you get locked out of that apartment and have to call Jenny.

'Cause everyday ought to be a bad day for you.

But i'm sorry if it ever is.