Have you heard about the latest craze
That's sweepin' across the nation
All the punks from coast to coast
Have discovered an old invention:

"Your hair's too long
Man, you're a queer
You're too new wave
Put down that beer…"
and
Do the Slag—Look at 'em run
Do the Slag—Hey you scum
Do the Slag—Ain't it fun
Do the Slag—Let's all be dumb
Badmouth people we don't know
Make sure it's behind their backs
Don't let new people in our scene
It's more fun than having a friend
We'll slag everyone each and every night
So we can pretend that we're all right
Make those pricks feel just so small
We'll show the world that we're three feet tall

Slander their integrity
Doubt their humanity
Talk about their haircuts
Are their politics correct?

Do the Slag!
Don't let those sissies on the floor
They're unhip, man, they bought the wrong clothes
Let's all do the latest craze
'Cause having allies never pays
We'll slag everyone each and every night
So we can pretend that we're all right
Make those pricks feel just so small
We'll show the world that we're three feet tall