I am the world's biggest paving slab
But no one can walk over me
I am the Pendle Witches, John Simm
And I am Lee Ingleby
I am the Bank of Dave, Golden Postbox
And the festival of R&B
And I'm not the terrorist of Talbot Street
But I have apocalyptic dreams

You should see my armoury

I am the world's biggest paving slab
So watch your fucking feet

I am the world's biggest paving slab
But I sit here quietly
No one ever looks down at the ground
Yeah, no one ever notices me
I wish I were born a stone
I made Wycoller my home
Haunting with Charlotte Bronte
I'm not the terrorist of Talbot street
But I think that ruins have beauty


You should see my armoury
You should walk all over me

I am the world's biggest paving slab
And the world's smallest celebrity