"Oi fucks, let's eat 'ere, it looks niice"

Get me the manager

"Oh dear, what seems to be the problem sir? "

First of all I was greeted with a grimace
Service with a sneer
He don't want to be here

Second of all I was seated by the window
and the draft was a serious inconvenience

There was lipstick on my glass and it wasn't mine
We put our order in - I can't believe the time
This is a shambles, your cook is a heathen
Your carpet is ugly and your veg ain't in season
My impatience spread like gravy on a tablecloth
And your head looks like it was carved out of a nut

Rory C, well, tell? em?
I was waiting in line for 10 whole minutes
This is unacceptable - you're pushing me to my limits!

"Please don't raise your voice in here sir
This is a respected establishment
I'm sure we can sort this out quietly no? "

Oh really? Well that's a great vase you got there
It'd be a real shame if something happened to it?

Slipshod, kick it

Cunt