I used to punish myself for existing
Thought friends were waiting
for the day I went missing
I pushed them back with my thoughts
Convinced that I was hated
I just reaped what I sought

Imagined anger in jokes
So every time they poked
I shot back unprovoked
It's not the way that I am
But that's what self hatred
can do to a man

Let alone a man who doesn't want to be one
Let alone a kid
who thinks his life lacks reason
Let alone a loner loser
losing all his day-ones
Everyday I wake up and rue what I have become