Hey Harry Potter
What's it's like to be an orphan
Who was raised under the stairs
But magically you started morphin me into
A dork whose read all about you
And Hogwarts too

Hey Harry Potter
It's not fair to use a spell
To make a grown man read a child's book
And purchase all your movies
Don't you know
I camped at Barnes & Noble store
Wearing a robe

Oh it's what you do to me
Even though I'm 33
I'm obsessed now can't you see
Named my child Hermione
Even though it's a he

Hey Harry Potter
Now my life is getting hard
Because my wife left me right after
I tattooed a lightning scar
Right on my head
And told her she looked like Hagrid
When she's naked

Hey Harry Potter
I've got oh so many questions
If I ever were to meet you
Like do you have good suggestions for myself
On how to dress me like an elf
Or could you help

Oh it's what you do to me
Put the sorting hat on me
Give me grotesque Bertie Beans
I'll devour them with glee

I've got your posters on my door
And sweat shirts that say Gryffindor
Lost all my friends cause they all think I'm gay
I took my wand and grabbed a broom
And snuck into the ladies room
The invisibility cloak didn't work that day
One lady slugged me with her purse
I said I was under the Imperius Curse
They did not believe me and the police came
And you're to blame

Hey Harry Potter
Now I'm missing you and jonesing
Seven years and now you're done with school
And Mrs. J.K. Rowling says you're threw
But I'll never be threw with you
I'll do whatever you tell me too
Stalk Daniel Radcliffe, yes it's true
Rupert Grint, too

Oh it's what you do to me
You, and Ron and Hermione
I'm pathetic can't you see
But I wouldn't change a thing
I'm down with Harry P.