Ok. Page 2? Yeah
As I inhale, as I inhale
as I inhale and feel my lungs fill up with black breath to exhale, what comes out is
I wanted to write to you about love
I hate "love" in my own language
It contains the entire word "honesty" inside it
which makes it sound religious
protestant, hierarchic, purified
The word "love" comes in the way of love
and makes me want to say sorry
I say sorry with black breath
black letters staining the air around me
the walls of the house, the bed, the desk
Maybe "sorry" is the closest I ever got to expressing love
In my bed, honesty is lying on top of love
sucking the blood out of it, occupying it
What's left is a little corpse
I hope I don't laugh when I read this
Remember when I started saying "of corpse"? Hahaha!
Every time I wanted to agree on something
This is so funny
Remember when I started saying "of corpse"
every time I wanted to agree on something?
I was inserting a little slice of death with my agreement. Whether it was coming out of my parents
coming out with my parents for a boat trip
or agreeing that a boy was cute
Corpse will definitely be sitting inside the world for love

Is that how you pronounce it?
'Cause I've heard so many pronounce
Um-umbilical? This is very visual
I have a thousand placentas, they are all burnt
language doesn't fit, community, affinity, togetherness
the words don't work, or they are blackened, of corpse
So, what about you and I?
For you, I feel a closeness that I can only explain as love
the unknown, the black hole
I was going to say "chaos"
but I say "the unknown"
because I don't know
where uncommon ideas and thoughts come from
Because I don't know where are common ideas?
Do you have to say common?
Um, is it ok to say, "But I say that wrong
because I don't know where ideas and thoughts come from"? Yeah

[Jenny Hval & Laura Jean Englert]
Someone who thinks that she's made
'cause she's the most, like, blasphemous being
by some, like, just having, taking different choices in life
Like, you know, like all the sacrifices you make as [?]
like [archetypal?] difference, and the mother and the daughter, the person that chooses where you begin in life
and then there is something
maybe you, when you're older, you get to this point where you, um, realise that maybe we're just like all the others
and it really didn't matter whether you were different
So, I thought I was different, it's something
It's like a, it's like a teenager would say, like
"I thought I was different but I'm just like the others"
Yeah, but, uh, a teenager always
believes secretly that they are different, um, and
Mm, they do, yeah, so, it's like, everyone always thought
they were different, but as you get older
Yes. I'm still hanging onto that a little bit
but, I, I've just done some writing about, um, this stuff
um, for a book about abortion, and, um
what, one thing that I kind of felt, um
becoming someone who's in their late 30s
that doesn't have a child, it's like
I have to accept that I'm part of this human ecosystem, um
but I'm not the princess and I'm not the main character? Because I feel like maybe the main characters
are the people that have kids
because they literally keep the virus going
But, um, I'm like, I thought, maybe I'm the talking tree
or, like, maybe I'm the witch, or maybe I'm, I'm the
I'm a, a supporting character
and that's a hard thing for my ego to take
'cause I wanna be the star of the human story
but I'm not. I'm like a, I'm the, I'm someone
that is in the background in regards to survival
'cause I'm not directly supporting survival
I'm just, I'm supporting it in a very abstract way
and possibly not supporting it
Possibly not supporting it, antagonist?
I'm, I could be an antagonist but antagonists are imperative
for a virus to survive because it makes it stronger