When the telephone woke me this morning, I'm sorry was the first thing I said
From that point it get's a bit fuzzy, thinking with half a head
Putting the pieces together, it's shocking to flash on the past
'Cause when you are known as a rascal, you can bet you showed off your ass

Chorus:
I was so bad last night, I'll be good for the rest of my life
Now I'm telling you and this is the truth
I have finally seen the light
From now on I'm going to act right, I was so bad last night

The harder I try to remember, the quicker my brain starts to hurt
It really is funny, unwadding the money, that's been stuffed in my pants and shirt
But tryin' to make sense of phone numbers, scribbled on the backs of old cards
I guess we ought to be thankful, nobody knows who we are

Alternate Chorus:
I was so bad last night, I'll be good for the rest of my life
Now I'm telling you and this is the truth
I tore up the bar, lost a pretty nice car
It's a good bet I ticked off my wife

I never intended to do it, I dropped in for a drink or two
But all of the chicks were so foxy, I wanted to marry a few
The place was more crowded than usual, and everyone there was my friend
Franny and Snake and Bunky and Jake, and somehow the night never ends

Chorus