I love your hair, your smile, your clothes
I love your cankles and your elephant nose
I love your freckles and your eyes
Don't forget about her thunder thighs

Girl, did it hurt when you fell from heaven
It hurt, she landed on her face
Girl, I need to put you on my "to do list"
Or my hit list, whichever really works
If you were a booger I'd pick you first
Well I'd lick you first

Girl, you're everything I (don't) want
You're everything I (don't) need
Without you I can barely (finally) breath

You're so fat
You got arrested at the airport for 10 pounds of crack
Not even Clinton would sleep with you
When trucks back up they beep like you
And no one wants to be with you
I never want to see you again

You're like the elephant man
It looks like you seriously stopped a van with your face
Your face is like the sun
Yep, it burns my retinas
You have beautiful puppy dog eyes
Maybe you should go to the vet

You smell like a pig and you look like a fish
If you were a cow I'd put you right on a dish
You're crazy like a monkey you belong in a zoo
If you were a horse I'd turn you right into glue

Your eyes are like a pond in which the fish of beauty swim
You have a mustache like my dads, you really need a trim
All I really wanted to say
Is I love (hate) you