I got your head spinnin' runnin' circles around you

With a baseball bat that I'm usin' to pound you

I'll be up in your face in the blink of an eye

No, I don't got wings, But I don't need 'em to fly

With a couple double jumps I'll be fleein' the zone

Pick up your intel quick, then I'm bringing it home

I'm a pretty big deal, that's the honest truth

I mean, do you even know who you're talking to?

About face, maggots, stand at attention

Learn from a soldier who's reached perfection

Forward charge with my Rpg

Helmet so low I can hardly see

Bam - Rocket jumpin' all over the place

Finish you punks with a shovel to the face

If that don't kill you, it'll break your nose

I hope you weasels are taking notes

Welcome to my magical candyland

Where smiles are from ear to ear

And everyone loves each other

Come and spread the cheer

This rap is kind of overdue - right

But now, it's time to the meet the crew - tight

The crazy dudes of Tf2

So take your side, Red or Blu

After I pick my class

I'm gonna kick your ass

Cuz that's what we were born to do

Let's set up shop and get to work

I built a health dispenser if you been hurt

Plus I got plenty of sentry defenses

But do not touch, cuz this stuff's expensive

Auto-aim rockets oughtta wreck you bumpkins

And just in case I need it - self destruction

Step back 'fore I wack you with a wrench

And when my turrets spot you

You're as good as dead

Cry some more, run while you can

You little babies don't stand a chance

They call me Heavy, this is my gun

When she starts spinning you better run

I do not require brains or technique

I've got so much muscle I'll never be beat

I'll mow down wherever you stand bitch

Now I am hungry, give me sandvich

Okay, I'm good

Are you a bleedin' idiot?

To fight with a drunken scot?

I'll down a swig of whiskey

For every grenade I launch

Wherever I go, the explosions follow

So keep your distance lads

And I carry traditional weapons

I'll bloody you up with an axe

This rap is kind of overdue - right

But now it's time to the meet the crew - tight

The crazy dudes of Tf2

So take a side, Red or Blu - woo

Pick out my favorite class

Check out my fancy hats

I just don't know which one to choose

I'm the Medic, so don't go far

You might want a taste of my Ubercharge

Still a doctor, but I lost my license

This could be a problem - shiza

I'm always ready with a bloody bone saw

But I can't help much if your head is blown off

Die, schweinhund, I will win this

Don't overdose on my syringes

Boom! That's another headshot, bloke

I'm a professional, you're a joke

I mean please mate, show some respect

At least the way I'm doin' it, you'll get a quick death

I'm from the outback, where things are hectic

Got a big machete that I'll slice ya head with

Aussie assassins aren't very common

But when ya hear this, keep on runnin'

You probably know me for my disguise

And I dress as sharp as all my knives

Just when you think I am on your team

Au revoir, mon cheri

I'm a very accomplished backstabber

Who destroys your equipment with my sapper

Gentlemen, there's a spy in our midst

And he's got a plenty of ass to kick

This rap is kind of overdue - right

But now, it's time to the meet the crew - tight

The crazy dudes of Tf2

So take your side, Red or Blu

After I pick my class

I'm gonna kick your ass

Cuz that's what we were born to do