I got your head spinnin' runnin' circles around you
With a baseball bat that I'm usin' to pound you
I'll be up in your face in the blink of an eye
No, I don't got wings, But I don't need 'em to fly
With a couple double jumps I'll be fleein' the zone
Pick up your intel quick, then I'm bringing it home
I'm a pretty big deal, that's the honest truth
I mean, do you even know who you're talking to?

About face, maggots, stand at attention
Learn from a soldier who's reached perfection
Forward charge with my Rpg
Helmet so low I can hardly see
Bam - Rocket jumpin' all over the place
Finish you punks with a shovel to the face
If that don't kill you, it'll break your nose
I hope you weasels are taking notes

Welcome to my magical candyland
Where smiles are from ear to ear
And everyone loves each other
Come and spread the cheer

This rap is kind of overdue - right
But now, it's time to the meet the crew - tight
The crazy dudes of Tf2
So take your side, Red or Blu
After I pick my class
I'm gonna kick your ass
Cuz that's what we were born to do

Let's set up shop and get to work
I built a health dispenser if you been hurt
Plus I got plenty of sentry defenses
But do not touch, cuz this stuff's expensive
Auto-aim rockets oughtta wreck you bumpkins
And just in case I need it - self destruction
Step back 'fore I wack you with a wrench
And when my turrets spot you
You're as good as dead

Cry some more, run while you can
You little babies don't stand a chance
They call me Heavy, this is my gun
When she starts spinning you better run
I do not require brains or technique
I've got so much muscle I'll never be beat
I'll mow down wherever you stand bitch
Now I am hungry, give me sandvich
Okay, I'm good

Are you a bleedin' idiot?
To fight with a drunken scot?
I'll down a swig of whiskey
For every grenade I launch
Wherever I go, the explosions follow
So keep your distance lads
And I carry traditional weapons
I'll bloody you up with an axe

This rap is kind of overdue - right
But now it's time to the meet the crew - tight
The crazy dudes of Tf2
So take a side, Red or Blu - woo
Pick out my favorite class
Check out my fancy hats
I just don't know which one to choose

I'm the Medic, so don't go far
You might want a taste of my Ubercharge
Still a doctor, but I lost my license
This could be a problem - shiza
I'm always ready with a bloody bone saw
But I can't help much if your head is blown off
Die, schweinhund, I will win this
Don't overdose on my syringes

Boom! That's another headshot, bloke
I'm a professional, you're a joke
I mean please mate, show some respect
At least the way I'm doin' it, you'll get a quick death
I'm from the outback, where things are hectic
Got a big machete that I'll slice ya head with
Aussie assassins aren't very common
But when ya hear this, keep on runnin'

You probably know me for my disguise
And I dress as sharp as all my knives
Just when you think I am on your team
Au revoir, mon cheri
I'm a very accomplished backstabber
Who destroys your equipment with my sapper
Gentlemen, there's a spy in our midst
And he's got a plenty of ass to kick

This rap is kind of overdue - right
But now, it's time to the meet the crew - tight
The crazy dudes of Tf2
So take your side, Red or Blu
After I pick my class
I'm gonna kick your ass
Cuz that's what we were born to do