When your pubic hair's on fire,
When you think you're the Messiah,
When you mistake a plane for Venus,
When your girlfriend's got a penis,

Something's wrong. . .

When you like music more than life,
When you start sleeping as you drive,
When your favourite drink is thinner,
When you're proud to be a sinner,

Something's wrong. . .

When a canary drives a tractor,
When your president's an actor,
When your jacket's plagued with dandruff,
If you think that this song matters,

Something's wrong. . .