ACT ONE

The note said "Darling...
I hate to tell you this way,
But I've run off with your Roommate,
Signed - Your Fiance".
I sat down and cried.
What else could I do?
That's when I noticed that my CarKeys were missing to,
And so was my favorite sweater,
And my TV
And My Stereo!
My whole life crumbled before my eyes.
Where was I to go?

I ran to the Supermarket
In a blinding rage
Craving foods I have not touched since I was
Twelve years of age.
'Cuz not only did my man run out today
My boss let me go
I have been depressed before
But never quite this low
Yes I guess I've been depressed
But ever this low? NO!

And I ran up and down the aisles of the supermarket
crying and shaking and pulling things off the shelves
based solely on their carbohydrate, calorie and cholesterol count.
I didn't go overboard.
Just enough to get me through the night.
So I threw my purchases down on the conveyer belt
They rolled up to the checkout girl
She looked at them
She looked at me
and she said...

Hey Lady can't you read?
The sign here says express.
I'll check you out if you have got
Ten items or less.
But you've got
2 4 6 8 9 10 11 12 13 things right here
If you want me to check you through
Put three things back my dear.

Well NO! I said defiantly
Trying not to shake
Then she said "Sweetheart, you don't need those
Hostess Twinkies, You don't need that Coffee Cake
And why those Famous Amos cookies
Let me tell you they're grossly overpriced
Put three things back
Those are the rules
I'm asking you real nice".

But I just couldnc