In the year 2000
my age was 53
born in the first half
of the last century
I always was post-modern
but that's ancient history

Now I'm the last man on Earth
that's what the matter is with me

I guess I'm old fashioned
Retro to a degree
you could say I'm a throw-back
anachronistically
air conditioning is here to stay
and that makes me unhappy

cause I'm the last man on Earth
that's what the matter is with me

I don't have a portfolio
I gotta pleed guilty
the best things are the worthless now
that's just because they're free
and if your not a millionaire yet
boy, you better be

Now, I'm the last man on Earth
that's what the matter is with me

I should be optimistic
and go buy some bonds and stocks
They'll find a cure for Cancer soon
we may get trigger-locks
existence is no picnic
as statistics all have shown
we learn to live together
and then we die alone

everybody's got a website
but that's all Greek to me
I don't own a computer
I hate that letter "e"
I don't pack a cell phone
or drive an SUV

Yes, I'm the last man on Earth
that's what the matter is with me

I'm the last man standing
save the last dance for me
I've taken the last train to Clarksville
I'm the fifth monkey
nice guys always finish last
no one's nicer than me

Yeah, I'm the last man on Earth
That's what the matter is with me

Kid's used to say their prayers at night
before they went to bed
St. John told us that God is love
Nietzsche said he was dead
this thing we call existence
who knows what it all means?
Time and Life and People
are just glossy magazines

I sat and watched those guys
debate each other on TV
politicians, wrestlers
they're all the same to me
hey, I don't give a damn
which idiot runs this country

Since I'm the last man on Earth
It don't matter to me

In the year 2000
my age was 53
I know that I'm grumpy
middle-aged crazy
but if you are a woman
you might have to sleep with me

Since I'm the last man on Earth
and I can guarantee
I'm the last man on Earth
and there ain't nothing wrong with me