I wake up half the time, I don't know where I am
For five minutes I think
"What country? What city? What hotel am I in? "
For five minutes I think
"Is that a wild animal scratching around next to my bed?
Is there a large rat or raccoon or a squirrel that broke in? "
I stumble around the room, touching the walls, feeling around
Feeling around in the dark and I feel and I feel
Until I find the light switch and I turn it on
I recognize my cat and there's a beautiful woman laying in my bed
It is you, my head is now clear
Wait I'm wrong, I thought it was clear but I'm all alone
There's a guitar and recording gear in here
Okay, now I realize I'm in a hotel room in San Francisco
I stayed here once with a girl
When she was on tour in San Francisco long before
That's really all I remember, this hotel
Was that night with her long before
My engineer's limping around
because he messed up his knee
In a mosh pit the night before
He's blaming it on me because I wouldn't let him
Come over and watch the McGregor fight at my apartment
"I already have my girlfriend over, " I told him
"It's the last night together before the Marc Hopkins sessions"

The carpet is gold, the walls are yellow
and the curtains are pink
The carpet is gold, the walls are yellow
and the curtains are pink
The carpet is gold, the walls are yellow
and the curtains are pink
The carpet is gold, the walls are yellow
and the curtains are pink

Now I'm back from Ireland
I'm totally stoned on jet lag permanently
My clock is different from day to day
and will be for the duration of my life
Lately I go to bed at 7 o'clock in the morning
wake up at about 4 PM
It's dark in New Orleans by 5: 30 and I walk across Coliseum Square
I'll get an iced tea at Mojo on Magazine
and I just sit there for a bit
And I come back and from my window
I see the Pontchartrain Hotel
The sign lit up like it always is, neon green
And I just finished the book by John Connolly, He
And I got choked up at the end
Like I did at the end of his other book
The Book of Lost Things
At the end when Stan Laurel
hears the Pacific Ocean waves crashing
In his mind, it takes him to his past
with Oliver Hardy and the audience clapping
And I'm listening to Nels Cline's Lovers
I'm watching news about mudslides
and snowstorms in the east coast
And other bothers like everybody fingerpointing
Saying somebody did something wrong
I don't like the news anymore so I pick up a remote
and I click it off
And I'm falling asleep, and now I'm in a dream state
I'm back in San Francisco, walking around my apartment
Is this an earthquake that I'm feeling?
And my guitars are falling all over the place
And my floors are rising to the ceiling
And as it's getting closer to the ceiling
my heart is beating faster and faster
I run to the kitchen, grab some food and some bottled water
Before I exit my apartment fast
I look at the fruit bowl and there's an unbearably loud hum
Coming from the cable car tracks

The oranges are yellow, the lemons are green
and the cable car goes vroom-vroom
The oranges are yellow, the lemons are green
and the cable car goes vroom-vroom
The oranges are yellow, the lemons are green
and the cable car goes vroom-vroom
The oranges are yellow, the lemons are green
and the cable car goes vroom-vroom

In my dream, I walked into the SPCA and somebody asked
"Mark, do you have pets? " I said, "Yes, I do"
And she says, "Well, what kind of pets? "
And I said, "Well, take a guess"
She guesses and she guesses and I said
"Well you're wrong, I have very unique pets"
She says, "How are they different? "
I said, "Well, let me show you a video of them"
And she said, "Okay, let me watch a video of them"
And I show her the video
and my pets' eyes are bulged out all frightened
Like Mia Farrow's eyes in Rosemary's Baby
When she was being fucked by Satan

My kitty cat barks, my duck goes quack
and my puppy dog goes meow
My kitty cat barks, my duck goes quack
and my puppy dog goes meow
My kitty cat barks, my duck goes quack
and my puppy dog goes meow
My kitty cat barks, my duck goes quack
and my puppy dog goes meow

My friend said, "Mark, I know you're leaving tonight
But don't you have a child to look after? "
I said, "Yeah, he's a smart kid
He wants to grow up and be an actor or a movie director
Steve Railsback is his favorite actor in the world
we watch his movies together
My son's favorite movies are The Devil's Rejects
Ed Gein, and Helter Skelter"
My friend said, "Well, who's your babysitter? "
I said, "Don't worry about it, that's my business
he's my neighbor"
I said, "Look, I gotta go, I just called my taxi
my son's gonna be just fine
Talk to you later, alligator"

I got a babysitter coming, I live at 666 Post
and my neighbor is... zoom
I got a babysitter coming, I live at 666 Post
and my neighbor is... zoom
I got a babysitter coming, I live at 666 Post
and my neighbor is... zoom
I got a babysitter coming, I live at 666 Post
and my neighbor is... zoom