I wasn't the smartest boy in the household by a longshot
I knew of wandering the graveyard
That it's best met with an onslaught
Of something called shudders
It's when your body trembles and your heart skips, sputters
And you mutter counter-evils, and you grip
On to your charms
I've never comprehended the alarm
Caused by things described variously as scary
Terrifying, ghastly. could I follow this? barely
Certainly never felt it. never shuddered, and my pops
Sent me packing, called me bad luck kid, head full of rocks
I talked so loudly of my ignorance as I roamed
Complained I couldn't get frightened
And might have bemoaned
That I'd been disowned. a friendly hangman beckoned
But I partied with his danglers, didn't shudder for a second
Then I heard about a castle in the distance
That was haunted
Nobody lasted there an evening
Could it be just what I wanted? didn't know

Didn't know
There was anything
In the world
To be frightened of

I wasn't the first one to show up claiming bravery
The rumored ends of my predecessors were unsavory
They'd become the catering at a feast of ghouls and spirits!
Neither the king nor his people would set foot near it
This seemed good; fear
It glistened in their eyes as they spoke
I figured I could pick the habit up and go
(maybe all the way back home
Having understood shuddering)
Did the townspeople deem me a simpleton? utterly
What a first night it was, too! the hellbeasts
Were like from a nightmare. I think? I don't get bad dreams
I tried to nap but the furniture floated and spun
We did some doughnuts in the stable yard! fun
The second night's vigilance wasn't any more fruitful
Zombies down the chimney till the whole rec room's full
All-bone nine-pin, glad I brought my lathe
Though I lost some money gambling
My denseness was unscathed

Third and final evening, my reanimated corpse
Cuddle-buddy tried to strangle me. reliable sources
Report that I chucked him back in his coffin and sighed
Despaired of finding shudders locally and set to stride
Didn't I want my reward? the hand of the castle's princess?
A path to power and riches, and this is its ingress?
And this is my dimness, I guess
But I choose to keep questing
Find the next hypothesis of scariness and keep testing
But here's that princess requesting that I reconsider
And as I spy her she reminds me of my babysitter
A village girl I had a crush on as a lad
Who never even noticed that I couldn't make eye contact
This one's staring me down
She's used to getting her way, been wearing a crown
Is she scaring me now, with her "think about it, please? "
I got this odd involuntary shaking in my knees