In indiana I watched a hoosiers game
Saw bobby knight bringing the pain
The next week down in tennessee
I built a life-sized model of a centipede
Kicking it in kansas dope red pumps
Jayhawks shaking badonkadonks
In nebraska, I husked corn all day
Got bitten by a shark californ-I-a

Had to let it go in new mexico
Played a sold out show in calexico
Had a trailer crash on tour in minnesota
Got lucky in kentucky with a chick in my toyota
Got in my pajamas with a girl from alabama
Then I lost my laptop in louisiana
Saw hannah in montana, went to new joisy
Got lost on the turnpike gross and oily

I was in vermont, saw into the future now I'm clairvoyant
Out to infinity and then beyond
Drank a tub of maple syrup, got sick and I called my mom
Popped a soda up in north dakota
Then I hitched a ride down to arizona
Business that's risky in mississippi
Oregon filled with duck-billed hippies

Do I really have to remind ya
About the bets we made in north and south carolina?
If you can't ignore the idaho snow
We'll move to georgia where the peaches grow
In massachusetts met confucius
Said, "where's your beverage? are you juiceless?"
It's not that I'm insane
I'm just too west coast for new hampshire or maine

50 states, 64 bars
Presented by ms. flay and lars
Check out the map (yeah we've been there)

I put the o in ohio, venus de milo,
Kidnapped by the circus and they put me in a sideshow
Got lei'd in hawaii on top of dolphins that's where I be
Rhode island popped a mylanta
In alaska chillin with santa
David the gnoming in wyoming
Pennsylvania's pregnant and it's showing

Not ignoring the warm florida sun
Chased by a gator to wisconsin
Made a scary plan down in maryland
Where edgar allan poe died a sad lonely man
I guess his death wish was big like texas
You can't reject this new york guestlist
In utah I saw the simpsons movie
At the delaware mall I paid no duties

Michigan acting like a bitch again
In colorado you'll need your michelins
Small gene pools in west va
Washington state lots of rainy days
Munching on a bowl full of curry in missouri
Midwest swing and I'm no hurry
Mad love for illinois got a silent s
And it's not reno homeboy it's re-yes

Went to nevada had a bad trip
Moved to iowa where I owe a grip
Chasing tornados in oklahoma
Climbing lincoln's nose in south dakota
Friends with benefits in connecticut
Went to virginia for some southern etiquette
Hundreds of fans all parked and saw
Me and bill clinton jamming in arkansas

50 states, 64 bars
Presented by ms. flay and lars
Check out the map (yeah we've been there)

These are the states that we've been to
And all the hi jinks that we got into
At the end of the day all we can say
Is there's really no place like the usa