I follow a totally uncharismatic guru
(Electric automatic guru)
He told me Stephanie be wonderful
Be who you want to be
And do the things you want to do
(Electric guru)

I gave all my money
To my uncharismatic guru
(Automatic uncharismatic guru)
But Mummy don't worry
I know what he's trying to do
(Bugaboo, bugaboo guru)

Oh he doesn't fool me, with one look
I can see right through
(My automatic uncharismatic guru)
But I would still buy
If he tried to sell me the moon
(The fool -- sell you the moon!)

I have fallen in love with my uncharismatic guru
(I love you, I love you guru)
Because that was exactly the thing
That he seemed to expect me to do
(My guru)

(My automatic uncharismatic guru)
(The fool)

He thinks he's a charlatan
Thinks I'm a naive fool
(My laughable, loveable guru)
In fact it's the other way round
Who fooled who?
(More fool you, guru!)

He told me Stephanie Pappas
To thine own self be true
(Do as I say, not as I do)
All that seems to be you's really me
And all that seems to be me is really me too

So I went to bed
With my uncharismatic guru
It seemed to be simply the right thing to do
When I'd given him my money, my soul and my body
I did it to make him feel better
And I'd just like to say
I only wish my guru could have been a better lay
Hey