The Bagman and the Twangman
Were sitting shuffling cards
They said \"There's not much future here
Down on the marriage path
The price of water gets you
Just before the end
If we could find the precipice
We'd jump right off my friend.\"

They sat there on the doorstep
As Nostradamus fell
They'd sat there throughout the siege
In the Alley of the Cells
Their only consolation
Indeed their only share of grief
Was an open invitation
To attend the burial feast.

Upon the marriage table
Stood the coffin of their friend
Descended from Cain and Abel
He'd never see dry land again
He wasn't what you'd call deceased
The hangman had seen to that
The place turned round and burst into life
As the Twangman he raised his hat.

At the bar there stood Melissa
Never seen without a drink in her hand
She curtsied to the diplomats
But cared nothing for their demands
Her heart had been in service
Before she was invalided out
The only recompense allowed
Was that they left her with her mouth.

In the chateau of their love
Melissa had shed her tears
The Bagman's found a new romance
With a girl of tender years
The only trace of blemish
Was that it wouldn't last
For rumour follows gossip
Without an ounce of class.

The Twangman called for porter
As Melissa took his guard
She took him to the restaurant
But the Bagman took her car
Between the leaves of absence
And the time when he was shopped
The Twangman skipped to Russia
Where he owned a betting shop.

The Bagman sold the car for cash
And caught a plane to Rome
Melissa followed close behind
She didn't like being left alone
The Twangman heard them coming
He'd got men on the street outside
The Bagman gave up easily
But Melissa, she tried to hide.

As lies and misadventure
Come creeping 'cross the ground
Deceit and retribution
Follow love without a sound
The Bagman turned the tables
Before the curtains they came down
As his sister handled elegance
By the corner of it's crown.

Now some men speak only wisdom
And some speak only lies
And some they speak the truth
Though they hide it with disguise
With no attempt at pleasure
This story it unwinds
And the clouds that line the wayside
Will vanish with sad time.

Now they say all London shivers
Under the hangman's moon
As the Twangman and the Bagman
Whistle up a graveyard tune
And if there's life beyond the bar
They say the future's there
The Twangman and the Bagman
They just couldn't really care.

The Bagman and the Twangman
Were sitting shuffling cards
They said \"There's not much future here
Down on the marriage path
The price of water gets you
Just before the end
If we could find the precipice
We'd jump right off my friend.\"