Oh deedle dee, three tots are we
And we're as clever as can be.
We live with Grandma Ida and our dear old Grandpa Ned
And little Baby Mike (the brat)
And don't forget the siamese cat
And in the attic from Detroit is big, fat Uncle Fred.

Oh Grandpa wishes he were rich
and Grandma just complains (the bitch)
And Uncle Fred sits drunk and then Mike cries all night and day.
The cat thinks that he owns the place
He bites and scratches on the face
It'd be so nice if they all went away, away
Away deeday deeday deeday deeday deeday deeday.

(Chorus)
The cat is dead, the cat is dead
I went to pat him on the head
He didn't purr, he didn't meow, he didn't blink or spit.
He seemed to have a funny smile that made me laugh
But all the while, the tail that used to flip and flap
Got awful cold and stiff.
We chopped him into little bits
And seasoned him with apple piths
And with some dust, we made a crust and put him in a pie.
Into the oven he did slip, until the crust was nice and crisp.
I'll love that little kitty till I die, I die
I die dee di dee di dee di dee di dee di dee di.

The cat is dead, the cat is dead
And Mikey too, and Uncle Fred
Expiring oh so suddenly while sipping down some tea.
The tea was hot, the tea was nice
With strychnine and a little spice to
Cover up the funny taste of our conspiracy.
When Grandpa saw what we had done
He went straight for his hunting gun
But we were quick we stole the clip
The rest is history.
To make sure Grandma wouldn't flee
We gave her a lobotomy
And now's she's just as happy as can be, can be
Can beedle deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle dee.