You used to be a nasty slut and I was really sleazy
I used to wear the tightest pants and you were really easy
You wore lots of make-up, I wore too much cologne
If we hadn't found each other, we'd have ended up alone

You used to be a nasty slut and I was not complaining
But in the end our carnal appetites were really draining
Now we're moving into a cozy little home
And I'm glad we found each other so we'll never be alone

We'll go old and gray covered with tattoos
You'll exchange your high heels for orthopedic shoes
We'll take the piercings out and put pacemakers in
We'll be happy ever after
We'll be happy ever after
We'll be happy ever after all

You used to be a nasty slut and I was kind of greasy
I used to wear a medal of St. Francis of Assisi
You wore giant earrings with semi-precious stones
If we hadn't found each other, we'd have ended up alone

You used to be a nasty slut and I was predatory
Now who'd have thought there'd be a happy ending to this story
We'll have nasty children and when they are all grown
We'll be glad we found each other and we'll never be alone

We'll go old and gray covered with tattoos
You'll exchange your high heels for orthopedic shoes
We'll take the piercings out and put pacemakers in
We'll be happy ever after
We'll be happy ever after
We'll be happy ever after all

After all
We'll be happy ever after
We'll be happy ever after