I've got no self esteem
Nothing to look forward to
I tell you what I'm gonna do
To make my life complete

I think I'll join a cult
And give away my car
Get my brainwaves analyzed,
Act like I've been hypnotized,
Claim to have seen Jesus Christ in Idaho.
Oh, I don't know....

I think I'll join a cult,
And shave off all my hair
Get a bride from South Korea,
Talk in onomatopoeia
Up 'til now I never thought I'd be a real adult
So now, I think I'll join a cult

Selling roses by the roadside
Drinking grape Kool-Aid
I've got no self esteem
Nothing to look forward to
I tell you what I'm going to do
To make my life complete

I think I'll join a cult
And worship Linda Blair
Pray to Beelzebub
In my satanic country club,
Maybe build a commune up in Idaho
Oh, I don't know....

I think I'll join a cult
They call it real life
Get a house and a minivan,
Have some babies if I can.
Up 'til now I never planned to be a real adult,
So now, I think I'll join a cult

Selling roses by the roadside
Annoying people at airports
I think I'll join a cult