The Swiss Miss Girl made her fortune
Doing commercials on TV
But "Easy come, easy go" was
Her philosophy
She spent all of her money
She was searching for some cash
So she went to her friend Capt 'n Crunch
Whom she'd met at a Hollywood bash

The second that he saw her
He said, "I bet you're in need
Of some dough"
Perplexed and confused she asked him,
"Oh but Captain how did you know?"
Laughingly he responded,
"It was really just a lucky hunch"
With tears in her eyes she pleaded,
"Will you help me out Capt 'n Crunch?"

The trials and tribulations
Of the Swiss Miss Girl
She's got a famous reputation
And she's known throughout the world
But life's no bed of roses
She would change things if she could
She plans to make a brand new start
And move out of Hollywood

The Captain now was grinning
He felt he had her in the palm of his hand
He said, "Darlin' you're a penniless woman
And I'm a wealthy man"
You know the rules of the game by now
I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine
He said, "Let me take you out
And we'll talk about this
Over a bottle of wine"

The Swiss Miss Girl was disgusted
And she smacked him right in his face
Then she took his hat
And she stamped on that
Just to put him in his place
But the old man was persistent
He would not be undaunted
The more that he'd been taunted
The more she turned him on

Then the Captain made a pass at the Swiss Miss Girl
Tryin' to show her his affection
She screamed for help And when she did...
Mr. Clean came to her protection

The trials and tribulations
Of the Swiss Miss Girl
She's got a famous reputation
And she's known throughout the world
But life's no bed of roses
She would change things if she could
She plans to make a brand new start
And move out of Hollywood