Well, here comes Jumbo with a phone in his hand
Bet it's been a while since you seen a real man
Grown up strong on the fat of the land of the free

Sure, I guess he got off to a hell of a start
With his grandpa's money and his daddy's heart
But you oughta know privileged is a pretty hard thing to be
You know?

Whoa! Here comes Jumbo with a knife and a tan
And an elephant's tail for his Instagram
Grown up brave on the fat of the land of the free

See the twinkle in his eye like a torch in the dark
On a court-approved stroll through the city park
Whistling which of you purebreds
gonna bark at my theme song goes a little something like

Here comes Jumbo
American as gumbo
Skin white as new corn liquor
hair black as molasses rum, though
He ain't dumb, no
You elitist bums, go
Get yourselves off of Capitol Hill
‘Cause we've just about had our fill
Of y'all playing Columbo

When anyone can tell
That good old Jumbo
Was only to trying to help
Only trying to help
(Oh, help us out with one now Jumbo)

Here comes Jumbo
American as gumbo
Washed in the blood of the little man
singing fee fi fo fum, bro
‘Til his kingdom comes so
You elitist bums can go
Fuck yourselves off of Capitol Hill
‘Cause we've just about had our fill
Of wondering what is and isn't rigged
When there's all these unadopted kids
Ready to swim across the Bering Sea
To feast on the fat of the land of the free
They're twiddling their thumbs though
While y'all play Columbo
With poor old Jumbo
Shh!