You work 689 days in a row,
6 shows a day,
15 Minute breaks,
Is that showbiz?

No matter how bad you feel,
You could have a fever and the dry heaves
From that left handed cigarette
And shot of old crow you did between the first and secon show.

You could have a social disease you caught
From some platinum blonde bombshell in Boise.
You could feel bad because you lost your wallet, your dog, your best friend
Or even your wife.

And no matter how bad you feel,
When those house lights go down,
A smile lights up your face
Why? 'cause that's showbiz.

You work, practice, woodshed,
Suffer for your craft,
Do the old soft shoe till your feet bleed
Sing mammy till your throat swells
All the while smiling though your face hurts.

You do this for ten years
And the day after the back page of some local rag says your great
You see somebody better, and younger than yourself
And he closes the show with a gag he stole from you,
And that's showbiz.

You reward? A fast car you never get to drive,
Ex-wives and kids who do interviews with the scandal sheets
A long cool broad who loves you for your name and your name only.
This afternoon's pizza backstage of some dive you've played a hundred times before
Where rats the size of a loaf of bread climb the walls and run the pipes
Where the same drunk crudely delivers the same insults that you counter
The same way every night.
Except your delivery is a little different, and the people laugh.
That's showbiz.

Your up for the part of leading man in a full length feature film.
And after you read, you get a part.
One lousy line in a scene where you play the school janitor.
So you say you're line with all the pizzaz and intensity of a Bogey
Or an Edward G.
And that's showbiz.

So I say to all the little people
Who spit shined and polished
My long and jagged trail to the top, "Thank you."
For without you, the little people, I would not be where I am today.
It is truly you who are, showbiz.

Come on! Give youself a round of applause,
The little people! Give it up! Yeah!
Please look for me in a new T.V. mini series drama
Where I portray myself in the story of my life,
Simply entitled "That's Showbiz."
Thank you! You've been a wonderful audience!
I love you and remember,
That's showbiz! Good night!