Remember I made you eat crab apple
And you were sick for a week
Then I stuffed your sucky up the chimney
'Till you cried for a week
Then I killed your canary with the hair dryer
And I kicked you just to see you bruise
Purple and blue

I was only joking my dear
Didn't mean to hurt you all those years
Thought that they were really laughter tears
I was only joking my dear
Oh dear

Remember I told every one you went all the way
With that fella from Artane
And all the blokes shouted 'seven stars'
When we were on our way to Mass with Ma
Then to make matters worse when you blushed
I called you beetrout and tomato head
Purple and red

I was only joking my dear
Didn't mean to hurt you all these years
Thought that they were really laughter tears
I was only joking my dear

Remember I borrowed your favourite jeans
Took them in and cut them at the seams
So they'd fit me
You went ballistic when I called your boyfriend
Canker head and made ashtrays from your Bread records
Oh well what the hell
You got your own back
Purple and black

I was only joking my dear
Didn't mean to hurt you all these years
Thought that they were really laughter tears
I was only joking my dear

I was only joking my dear
Didn't mean to hurt you all those years
Thought that they were really laughter tears
I was only joking my dear

Oh dear