Well I'm the Emerald Isle's own son
I was born on stateside, Wisconsin
And your troubles sound like Hollywood
They sound real good to me

The rush to be Irish now is on
The queue is standing ten miles long
And would-be green men stand in line
To swap their stories tall

Well I have traced my past right back
I've even checked and double checked
And I'm as sure as ever now
That I'm a leprechaun

And I know that if I have my chance
That I can jig, and reel, and dance
Cuz in between the killing
That's what all us Irish do

And now a word from our sponsor
Eat up all our Tv dinner
Open up your wallet wide
And let your green be seen

A people cannot live that way
Or so the songs and leaflets say
And all this time we're trying hard
To keep the niggers down

What with collection time and all
With charities, functions and balls
It really gives me such a thrill
To kill from far away